The Transformative Power of “New Year Intentions” instead of Resolutions
Why New Year’s Resolutions Often Fail and How to Approach Them Differently
Every January, millions of people set ambitious New Year’s resolutions, fueled by hope and the promise of a fresh start. Yet, by February or March, many of those resolutions have quietly fallen to the side. I've been there too, and I understand the frustration and disappointment that can follow.
Why does this happen?
The truth is that the patterns we’re trying to change—whether it’s procrastination, emotional eating, or not prioritizing our health—are often doing something for us. They’re protecting us in some way, even if that protection is getting in the way of something we want for ourselves.
Underneath these behaviors lies something unhealed, and if we don’t explore it, it’s incredibly hard to stay committed to a new way of living.
Often, the habits we label as "self-sabotage" are actually unconscious strategies we’ve developed to avoid pain and grief. These strategies can feel like they’re keeping us safe, even as they get in the way of the life we deeply want.
A Different Approach: Setting Intentions Instead of Goals.
Instead of expecting yourself to overhaul deeply rooted patterns overnight, what if you set a different kind of resolution this year?
What if, instead of vowing to “be better” or “do more,” you focused on exploring what’s truly getting in the way of the life you want?
When you take this approach, something powerful happens: you create space. Space to better understand yourself. Space to feel compassion for the parts of you that have been trying so hard to protect you. Space to make real, lasting changes.
Exploring What’s Beneath the Patterns
Here’s what this might look like:
Think of a resolution you would make if you weren’t changing it to an intention.
Ask yourself:
What are my values? Are my intentions coming from my values?
Is this a goal that is coming from self-love, or self-hatred? For example, if you are wanting to go to the gym more often, is it because you love your body and want to take care of it, or is it because you hate your body and want to change it? The underlying feeling of love or hatred has a big impact on the success of the intention.
What feels scary about accomplishing this goal? Is there something bad that feels like it might happen if you follow through on the intention?
What negative beliefs may be holding back from accomplishing these goals? When did this negative belief begin? How did the self-shaming protect me back then?
I invite you to approach these questions with curiosity, and gently notice if you have judgement towards yourself. The self-sabotage is happening as a result of something you have survived, and you deserve ample compassion for this.
This process isn’t about fixing yourself—it’s about understanding yourself.
When you bring awareness and compassion to the protective strategies that no longer serve you, you open up the possibility to live in a way that aligns with what matters most to you.
My Intentions for 2025
Here are some of the intentions I’m holding for the year ahead:
To spend more time with friends and to make new friends.
To treat my body with love by working out multiple times a week and eating nourishing foods.
To travel to at least four new places and truly immerse myself in the experience.
To lead online courses about healing Complex PTSD.
Each of these intentions is rooted in something deeply meaningful to me. They aren’t about perfection or achievement—they’re about living in alignment with what I value most.
What Are Your Intentions?
So, as you step into this new year, I invite you to reflect:
What intentions feel most aligned with what you truly want for yourself?
What feels scary about following through with the intention. Does it feel like something bad might happen? Is there something you may lose in the process?
What will following through with the intention feel like? What positive change will it bring to you?
Take the time to explore and hold space for yourself in this process. You might be surprised by what you uncover—and the freedom it can bring.
Deep Emotion Can Come up During This Process.
This process can facilitate true healing - and the process of healing often involves quite a bit of grief that we have been too afraid to make contact with until now. It is very common to need more support in order to feel safe enough to touch into this emotion and truly process and heal what is underneath the self-sabotage. I highly recommend reaching out to a complex trauma informed therapist if this is the case for you.
If you’d like support learning more about what the protection is of self-sabotage and why we do it, I invite you to check out the FREE Path to Healing Masterclass I am leading on January 19th! Click here to learn more and sign up! ✨
If you’d like a deeper dive to learn about healing from childhood attachment trauma, click here to sign up for the 4-Week Live Course, beginning February 2nd! ✨
Here’s to approaching 2024 with curiosity, compassion, and the courage to live the life you truly want! ♥️